无助

不是所有事情都能如愿以偿，

不是所有问题都能迎刃而解...

很多时候越是逃避问题，

越是不能把问题解决...

我承认我自私，我懦弱，

我害怕去面对这一切，

我承担不起后果...

可是却因为我的自私，我的懦弱，

造成今日的果...

为什么要这样的考验我？

我真的很累...

可是就算再累，

我还是得担起这一切的因和果...

如果人生真的必须经过这样的考验，

我情愿没有来到这世上...

控制不到事情的发生，

心里真的很不好受...

没有人可以诉苦，

没有可以给予帮助...

更可悲的是，

我什么都做不了，

只能眼睁睁的看着事情的发生...

有人说，上帝在关上你的一扇门时，

会同时为你打开另一扇门，

那现在，我的那另一扇门到底在哪里？

为什么我怎样也找不到那另一扇门？

有没有人现在能赐给我一个愿望？

有没有人可以帮我解决这一切？

有没有人可以告诉我，

这一切都只是一个梦？

很想对你说声：对不起！

因为我的自私，害你得承担这一切...

我真的很努力想要把这件事解决，

我想了很多方法，

可是都不被接受...

或许哪天你会怪我，

或许你会讨厌我，

可是不管你有什么问题需要帮忙，

我一定会第一个站出来。

我知道我再说什么已经没用，

我只希望你不要怪我...

对不起！

by ker shin,

23/8/2011 10.57pm

原来，我不想长大,,,

这几天，心情糟透了，

我根本没办法打从心里开心过，

可是，我还是得收拾心情，

因为我不想因为我的情绪而影响别人。

每天，我都告诉自己，

要记得微笑，

要记得开心。

可是，这样子做，

好像更加难受，

脑海里一直反反复复想着同样的事情，

我根本没办法洒脱。

很想逃离这一切，

可是我没办法豁免。

突然很怀念小时候的日子，

可以毫无顾忌的大哭大笑，

可以不顾形象的打闹，

可以不用害怕伤害任何人，

自己想怎样，就怎样。

小时候，

总是渴望长大，

可以不受束缚，

自由自在做自己喜欢的东西。

现在长大了，

却想当个小孩，

不用去面对烦恼，

不用去承担后果。

可是，时间并没有允许我这样做，

我还是得长大。

有时候，

微笑就想创可贴，

就算掩住了伤口，

心依然疼痛。

很想告诉你们，

我并不是想要伤害你们，

我承认我的语气重了点，

我知道我是有错。

我并不是不想说对不起，

只是我真的不懂怎样开口。

我并不是一个擅长表达感情的人，

可是这一点并没有人懂。

我知道我不是个好孩子，

可是我很努力的当个好孩子，

很努力去完成你们希望我做的每一件事。

只是这一次，

我想跟着我的想法，

就这一次而已。

对不起！

by shin,

18/7/2011 9.58pm

The day after graduate and the day before working

Have a long time did not come blogging...

Well, I am officially graduate from UUM,

now just only wait for the convocation.

Take a rest about 1 month,
then I started to find job.

Really need started to earn money,

I really not dare to ask money from my parent,

even I know they will give me if I request.

But, I am officially an adult already,

I am able to earn money for myself,

so better prepare my mood for working start from now.

 But everything are not happen as how was I think..

I had already applied many kind of job,

even have some company had calling me for an interview,

but all are not my desire job.

I hope to get a job from bank,

I know my english is poor, 

my speaking also very bad,

but I had try my best in the interview.

I still failed to get an offer from bank.

"Citibank", I will always remember,

giving me  a big hope,

but told me I was unsuccessful in finally.

But the god are take care of me too,

luckily I had found another job between this few days.

Although not a bank job,

although I am fresh on this sector,

but I will try my best and do my best.

I will start to working on next monday,

a bit excited and a bit nervous.

I hope everything can go smoothly,

even there are many challenge waiting me in the future,

but I will do my best and fighting it.

by shin,

8/7/2011 4.13pm

Happy 23th birthday

It' s already 11.12pm,

still left around 45 minutes,

then my birthday will end for this year.

Well, I'm officially 23 years old,

a lots of friends were send me a birthday wish,

feel thankful for them.

This is the first time I pass my birthday in campus,

last 2 years I was already at home when my birthday.

And this year,

nothings special, didn't celebrate,

because someone still having his final paper tomorrow.

Ok, I not want to blame what,

don't think too much!

Huh~

I still having my final exam,

still left one paper on 24th,

hope that day come faster,

I can't wait for graduate already.

All my friends were already finish their exam,

I'm so jealous them,

so hope to be one of them,

but I never have this luck,

since start from semester 1 until semester 6,

I always is the latest finish final.

Damn hate~

And, this is the last semester for me,

means that, I no need come back here for new semester open this September.

Yes, I am graduate!

My study life will ended up at here!

That day after the personal finance exam,

suddenly having some weird feeling,

It is the first time I feel that I really no need to study anymore,

and I still not yet decide where & how I have to go in the future.

I was spent for 3 years at here, UUM,

from the first day I feel alone, lost & scare,

until now i was already fit into the environment here,

no matter feel happy or sad,

no matter feel angry or stress,

I have built my memories at here for 3 years.

But, I never feel not willing to leave here,

just I will keep the memories at here forever,

because it is a part journey of my life.

I will start my new journey soon,

shift into working life,

on the mid of June, maybe.

Wishing myself all the best in my new journey,

and same to my friend too.

Now already 11.50pm,

another 10 minutes to go,

my birthday will going to end.

And someone is trying to know what I am writing about,

hahaXD~

Wishing myself once again,

Happy birthday to myself~~<3

by shin,

17/5/2011 11.52pm

something wrong with me

I am very boring now,

nothing can do,

or I can say,

I don't know what can I do now.

I don't want to watch movie,

since I was finish watched all the movie own by me.

I don't think to do my resume,

I am really lazy now.

But, I really feel bored.

Arghhhhhhh....

What should I do..?

Don't know what's going on me,

I really hope my dear can accompany by my side now.

I don't wish to be alone at room,

is that I feel lonely?

I don't know,

but I really don't think to stay myself alone,

I hope there are my family, my friends,

or even is my dear beside me now.

But, I not dare to tell anyone,

I don't want to  disturb anyone...

I feel so bad now,

but actually nothing happen on me.

I don't know how to make myself happy,

I can't find back the mood before,

I feel so stress?!

or sad?!

or even upset?!

I don't know what feeling at me now,

I don't know how to describe,

but conclusion is,

I really feel badly right now...

by shin,

23/4/2011 11.23pm

I'm not a super hero...I'm not perfect...

Life is getting more tough,

and I am getting more stress.

Many things happen on the same time,

many things I have to face and solve it,

I have no choice to escape from those stuff.

Another 3 weeks, I am officially 23 years old,

a lots of responsible I have to pick up,

I have to responsible on every action or decision I made.

Now only I realize, I not a kid anymore,

I have to face those problem myself,

I have to find a best solution to solve every problem,

I have no choice to escape,

because all these are my responsible...

Life is not easy...

I know every single problem have its solution,

I know I have to try my best,

I know I need think in 2 different side for each problem,

I know many many...

But who can do the best when facing those problem?

Who can come out & take the problem as his/her own responsible?

Who can using high EQ to solve family problem?

Now only I realize,

I not a super hero,

I can't do anything that I hope it to be,

I can't satisfy both side that I care,

I am not perfect...

by shin,

21/4/2011 10.56pm

I feel tired

Tears is out of my control this few day,

I don't know what happen on me,

feel stress and unhappy.

I keep told myself nothing is happen,

no need feeling sad,

but I still can't control myself.

What was happen on me?

I think to be a happy people,

just like before,

even sometimes feel angry or sad,

but the most time I am happy.

Why i can't find the feeling back this few days?

Yesterday get a call from my mommy,

a lots of things was happen on them.

My uncle and aunt want to separate from the company,

and that stupid Miss Too was resign yesterday too.

My parent hope i can work with them after I graduate,

I not really think to work with them,

but they are my parent,

What can I do?

I not dare to tell them I don't want,

I not allow myself not helping them,

I really don't know what should I do at this moment.

I had study so many years already,

the world outside I haven have a meet,

then now, they call me work with them,

I really tidak puas hati.

My heart really feel suffer,

the one side is my parent,

the another side is the world I desire to meet,

I now stand in the middle,

I don't know which side should I go,

I really feel suffer to face all of these.

Who can teach me how i need to do only satisfied both side?

Who can give me an idea?

I really feel stress on my life,

stress to face those assignment and presentation,

stress to face the world after I graduate on may,

stress to face my parent because they hope i can work with them.

I don't know what can or what should I do already..

I really feel very tired on all of these matters,

please don't come and force me again..

Please...

by shin,

12/4/2011 10.27am

emo attack me

I'm now waiting for my next class at 2pm,

feel very sleepy and tired,

but I not think to sleep a while...

This few day I so emotional,

I can't control my temper,

keep angry and think a lots of things,

so my head gonna be boom now...

arghhhhhhhh...

Nearly to the end of this semester,

it's also means I'm gonna end my university life soon,

but I was feel stress this few day...

A lots of work come together,

and its seen like won't stop.

I keep doing assignment, homework and presentation,

I really feel tired on these work,

when only can I end all of these??

This few day keep did not sleep well,

since the fire drill training that day.

Talk about the fire drill training,

I was so angry about it.

What a stupid university organized it on midnight,

is midnight 2am,ok!

I almost sleep that time,

but suddenly all the electric was cut off,

the the fire bell rang,

and I still heard some sound like "BOOM".

I really thought it was fire at my block,

get a big shock.

And this few day also keep think about the money problem..

Nearly the end of semester,

I am not brave to call back ask money from my parent.

Now,I only realize I waste too much money before,

but now, regret also no use.

I keep think how much I will spent before I go back,

really feel headache on this problem,

I do not know where can I get money.

I am not think to use my PTPTN,

since there only left a bit money,

I think to keep it for use on the time I start working.

Haih..

Many problem come together,

assignment + presentation + money,

my head really gonna boom,

who can lend me a hand?

by shin,

11/4/2011 12.54pm

大病一场

这几天大病了一场，

真的很久没有生这么久的病了。

一会儿发烧，一会儿退烧，

 多一会儿又发烧，

反反复复的，真的很辛苦。

最惨的是，

一个人在外面读书，

生病了，还要自己照顾自己，

这种感觉，真的很惨。

要自己找药吃，找东西吃，

要自己帮自己抹凉，

要自己给自己盖被。

我真的很想家，

想念爸爸妈妈，

也想念他。

幸好，昨天有他陪在我身边，

要不然我真的不懂要怎样才好。

有他在我身边照顾我，

拿水给我喝，

拿药给我吃，

帮我抹干身上的汗，

一直用手探探我的额头，

看看我退烧了没有。

生病的时候，有人在身边照顾，

真的是一件很幸福的事。

虽然他为了我，忙了整个晚上，

根本没办法好好睡觉，

可是当下的我真的觉得有你真好！

今天早上起来的时候，

我望着你的脸很久很久，

大大的鼻子，厚厚的嘴巴，

黑黑的皮肤，

一点也不迷人。

可是不懂为什么，

我却被你迷着了。

很想跟你说：

我希望，从今以后每当我睡醒时，

睁开眼看到的第一个人，

就是你。

by shin,

3/8/2011 9.34pm

其实我们很幸福

人生无常，

下一秒会发生什么事，

没有人知道，

也阻止不了。

有些人一直都在埋怨这样不够好，

那样不够好，

一直觉得其他人比自己幸运，

比自己幸福。

有些人却已经没有办法迎接明天，

没有办法在为自己的未来努力，

没有办法和深爱的人道别，

就这样离开这个人世。

当你还在抱怨的时候，

请停下脚步，

看看这些已经没有办法看到明天的他们，

他们已经没有机会再努力，

也没有机会成功。

而你，机会一直都在，

路还很长，

却一直在埋怨。

其实，我们已经很幸福。

我们还能呼吸，

我们还能感受这个世界，

我们还能努力打拼自己的未来，

比起他们，

我们真的很幸福。

不要再一直抱怨，

不要再觉得自己不必别人好，

你还能活着，

就已经很幸福了！

by shin,

2/3/2011 9.59am

请珍惜！

28.2.2011

这一天，

发生了一些事，

让UUM的学生们都很感慨！

早上七点多，

在学校名下的酒店的路口，

发生了一起死亡车祸。

其中两人当场死亡，

另一个身负重伤，

现在在亚罗士打医院接受治疗，

目前情况稳定。

很多学生或是讲师，

纷纷在讨论这起车祸。

而面子书，

正好让UUM学生有个管道宣泄对事情的看法，

和不满。

看到了这个消息，

心里真的很难过。

毕竟她们都已经是最后一年的学生了，

过了这个五月，

就要展开新的路程，

面对新的挑战。

可以说，现在正是她们发光发热的阶段。

可是，一起车祸，

死神的拦截，

让她们永远离开了这个人世。

死神不只夺走了她们的性命，

也让疼爱她们的亲人，

终日以泪洗脸，

再怎么也唤不醒她们。

有时候，人的力量真的很渺小，

没有人可以预测下一秒会有什么事情发生，

也没有人可以改变什么。

我感谢上天，

让我拥有一个温暖的家，

让我的家人能陪在我身边，

让我遇到一个这么爱我的他，

和所有疼爱我的人。

我珍惜我现在拥有的幸福！

想对大家说：

请珍惜身边的人，

珍惜和他们在一起的每一秒每一刻，

请珍惜现在所拥有的一切一切。。。

by shin,

28/2/2011 10.28pm

大学生

现在的心情真的是糟透了！

如果以十颗星位标准的话，

我会给我自己十颗星！

唉~

不懂该怎么办好，

很烦，很不想去理，

可是又没办法不理~

大学生，

是很好听啦！

不怕被人瞧不起，

又可以找到一份比较好的工作，

可是，所谓大学生，

却一点自由都没有。 

不懂从几时开始，

我就很想快点结束这一切。

虽然我还剩下三个月就能完成我的学业，

可是我现在一秒也不想呆在这里。

我很想离开这里，

到其他地方呼吸一点自由的空气，

我不想再留在这里，

被一大堆的规矩控制着。

真的觉得很辛苦，

不是因为课业很难，

不是因为老师很烦，

也不是因为这里一点娱乐的地方也没有，

而是因为，

这里有一大堆的规则，

压得我喘不过气来，

让我觉得自己好像在坐牢一样，

一点自由也没有。

其实有些事情很简单，

偏偏你们就是要搞到很复杂。

我不明白，

我们并没有做错什么，

也不是要要求什么，

只是希望你们能给个方便，

让我们可以顺顺利利完成我们的学业。

可是，你们就是要我们不得安宁！

规矩是你们定的，

我们都照做了，

可是为什么你们还要耍花样？

你们到底要我们怎样？

你们非要搞到我们很烦很烦才高兴吗？

什么大学生，

我真的不稀罕！

by shin,

17/2/2011 12.57pm

My last semester

Well, I came back UUM here to continue my study again.

But today, I haven have mood go class,

so I skip class again..

Sorry my friend, need you help me sign for attendance again..

This is my last semester already,

and this time, 

I need to spend 3 months++ stay at here,

after this, I can fly away to another place.

I almost finish my 3 years degree life,

the time is pass so fast,

3 years I had spent at here..

But, until now, I also not very like this place,

not because of a small town of it,

not because don't have chinese food here,

just because here have many regulation,

control my attitude, dress code, and many many,

some more still need to use my own time to attend those DPP activities.

I really hope to end all of it as soon as possible.

Nearly to graduate, I am no more mood to study..

This few days keep imagine how my working life later,

I feel a bit scare,

I scare I cant handle it well..

But I know I need to go ahead too,

I no choice to choose,

because this is the way I need to go..

So, need to have a plan start now..

by shin,

13/2/2011 9.06am

Holiday end soon

My CNY holiday going to end soon~

That's mean I need to go back jungle again...

Haih~

Can I don't want go back?

Suddenly I so hate study,

when only I can end all of it?

I hate attending class, examination, assignment...

I really hate all of it,

sometimes I still think work is better than study,

but really is like that or not?

I don't know~

 

I haven do my banking security assignment!!

I had promise my friend send her my part on 30th of Jan,

but I failed to do that.

Sorry, my friend..

I not purposely want to delay send to you,

but I really cant find the information,

so I decide don't go bother it,

that's only will spoil my CNY mood...

But now I found that I'm wrong!

Totally wrong!!

I should do it before CNY,

and send it to my friend early,

then now I no need feel so trouble...

arghhhhhhhh~~~~

 

My feeling was so bad now~

I want to shout out!

I want to scolding someone!

Why sudden I so emo?

arghhhhhhh~~~~

 

by shin,

10/2/2011 6.26pm 

@#$%^&*?!

今天的好心情全毁了！

真的气死我了！

我不明白，为什么有这么多人爱制造麻烦？

就因为你们的一句话，

我就一个头两个大！

你们到底要怎样赔我？

有这么多正经事，你们放着不做，

偏偏在一旁烦着不该烦的事，

还要制造谣言，让我们陷入恐慌。

这样做你们很高兴吗？

我真的很不明白，

也很好奇到底你们怎样拿到这些谣言？

到底是谁这样无聊，开始散播这些谣言！

从来没有人想过这些问题，

而你们的头脑可以把这些问题想出来,

我真的佩服你们！

你们真的很厉害，

头脑都不懂装什么大便,

闲着没事做就想问题出来，

制造恐慌，

是不是这样做你们的人生才精彩一点？

我真的觉得你们很无聊，

吃饱太得空才会这样做！

我真的很不喜欢你们，

也对你们的所作所为感到很生气！

到底几时你们才可以成熟一点，

不要再制造麻烦给人？

我真的很想大声的骂你们：

可不可以不要再制造麻烦吗？

我知道你们很闲，

可是我不得空陪你们玩！

请对自己所说的每一句话，

做的每一件事负责！！

by shin,

22/1/2011 10.33pm 

...

I do not know how to describe my feeling now..

What can I say is: I feel badly~

I feel not happy, and also....a bit angry..

Why??

Last semester result was announce yesterday,

and my result, not bad,

maintain the level I hope..

Then, I think to log in my dear's portal to check his result,

but I failed to log in..

Maybe at the time many UUM student log in portal to check their result,

so I wait until today only go to have a look..

My dear had call me and told me that his result is bad,

he said he had try his best..

He ask me do not discuss with him about his result,

and I also promise he..

But when I saw his result,

I really get a shock..

I do not know what can I do now,

this already is our last semester,

he has no chance to improve his result..

I'm angry why he can get a result such like this,

I feel badly because his result really bad..

But, what can I do?

I had already promise he would not talk about his result,

I just can pretend nothing..

I do not know whether you will read my blog or not,

have a long time you did not read my blog already..

But I hope you understand,

I not blame you at here,

I also not angry you..

I just feel unhappy when saw your result,

but no way can let me release my feeling,

so I come here to write a blog..

I'm remember what I had already promise you,

and I also would not talk so much in front you..

But you also must promise me,

try your best for your last semester in UUM..

If you still fail to do also never mind,

I will always stand beside you,

forever and ever..

So, you must put effort in your last semester,

and our future, ok?

by shin,

10/1/2011 4.05pm

I miss...

Such a long time did not update my blog..

Well, now already 2011 year,

a new year, new journey and new hoping for everyone..

 And for me,

I wish that my life in 2011 year can go smoothly,

and my family can stay healthy and happily forever,

all dream of my dear and his family can come true..

First at all, I haven go back study yet..

Because of flood, 

my uni deferred the study period..

So, left 1 more week then I need go back study,

it's means I only left 1 weeks for relax..

my 2 sisters already go for study,

one at UPM, and another at NEC,

wish them all things can go smoothly..

This few day keep thinking about the time when we still are kids,

all of us stay at home, 

not like now separate at different place..

I miss the time we gather at home,

even sometime we will quarrel,

but most the time we had fun and laugh always..

We chat, we play and even we "zat" each other..

But now, all of us were grew up,

separate at different place for studying,

no much time we stay at home..

So, our home is become more silent,

not like before always noisy..

I know you guys will know I am talking about us when read my blog,

so can we come a promise..?

When we are finish study and work at different place,

or even next time we have our own family,

we must arrange sometime for gather together, ok?

Even how we busy for work, or busy for our own family,

just come a gather each year..

If you guys agree, then don't forget it..

I'll always waiting for you guys..

by shin,

8/1/2011 4.57pm