something wrong with me

I am very boring now,

nothing can do,

or I can say,

I don't know what can I do now.

I don't want to watch movie,

since I was finish watched all the movie own by me.

I don't think to do my resume,

I am really lazy now.

But, I really feel bored.

Arghhhhhhh....

What should I do..?

Don't know what's going on me,

I really hope my dear can accompany by my side now.

I don't wish to be alone at room,

is that I feel lonely?

I don't know,

but I really don't think to stay myself alone,

I hope there are my family, my friends,

or even is my dear beside me now.

But, I not dare to tell anyone,

I don't want to  disturb anyone...

I feel so bad now,

but actually nothing happen on me.

I don't know how to make myself happy,

I can't find back the mood before,

I feel so stress?!

or sad?!

or even upset?!

I don't know what feeling at me now,

I don't know how to describe,

but conclusion is,

I really feel badly right now...

by shin,

23/4/2011 11.23pm

I'm not a super hero...I'm not perfect...

Life is getting more tough,

and I am getting more stress.

Many things happen on the same time,

many things I have to face and solve it,

I have no choice to escape from those stuff.

Another 3 weeks, I am officially 23 years old,

a lots of responsible I have to pick up,

I have to responsible on every action or decision I made.

Now only I realize, I not a kid anymore,

I have to face those problem myself,

I have to find a best solution to solve every problem,

I have no choice to escape,

because all these are my responsible...

Life is not easy...

I know every single problem have its solution,

I know I have to try my best,

I know I need think in 2 different side for each problem,

I know many many...

But who can do the best when facing those problem?

Who can come out & take the problem as his/her own responsible?

Who can using high EQ to solve family problem?

Now only I realize,

I not a super hero,

I can't do anything that I hope it to be,

I can't satisfy both side that I care,

I am not perfect...

by shin,

21/4/2011 10.56pm

I feel tired

Tears is out of my control this few day,

I don't know what happen on me,

feel stress and unhappy.

I keep told myself nothing is happen,

no need feeling sad,

but I still can't control myself.

What was happen on me?

I think to be a happy people,

just like before,

even sometimes feel angry or sad,

but the most time I am happy.

Why i can't find the feeling back this few days?

Yesterday get a call from my mommy,

a lots of things was happen on them.

My uncle and aunt want to separate from the company,

and that stupid Miss Too was resign yesterday too.

My parent hope i can work with them after I graduate,

I not really think to work with them,

but they are my parent,

What can I do?

I not dare to tell them I don't want,

I not allow myself not helping them,

I really don't know what should I do at this moment.

I had study so many years already,

the world outside I haven have a meet,

then now, they call me work with them,

I really tidak puas hati.

My heart really feel suffer,

the one side is my parent,

the another side is the world I desire to meet,

I now stand in the middle,

I don't know which side should I go,

I really feel suffer to face all of these.

Who can teach me how i need to do only satisfied both side?

Who can give me an idea?

I really feel stress on my life,

stress to face those assignment and presentation,

stress to face the world after I graduate on may,

stress to face my parent because they hope i can work with them.

I don't know what can or what should I do already..

I really feel very tired on all of these matters,

please don't come and force me again..

Please...

by shin,

12/4/2011 10.27am

emo attack me

I'm now waiting for my next class at 2pm,

feel very sleepy and tired,

but I not think to sleep a while...

This few day I so emotional,

I can't control my temper,

keep angry and think a lots of things,

so my head gonna be boom now...

arghhhhhhhh...

Nearly to the end of this semester,

it's also means I'm gonna end my university life soon,

but I was feel stress this few day...

A lots of work come together,

and its seen like won't stop.

I keep doing assignment, homework and presentation,

I really feel tired on these work,

when only can I end all of these??

This few day keep did not sleep well,

since the fire drill training that day.

Talk about the fire drill training,

I was so angry about it.

What a stupid university organized it on midnight,

is midnight 2am,ok!

I almost sleep that time,

but suddenly all the electric was cut off,

the the fire bell rang,

and I still heard some sound like "BOOM".

I really thought it was fire at my block,

get a big shock.

And this few day also keep think about the money problem..

Nearly the end of semester,

I am not brave to call back ask money from my parent.

Now,I only realize I waste too much money before,

but now, regret also no use.

I keep think how much I will spent before I go back,

really feel headache on this problem,

I do not know where can I get money.

I am not think to use my PTPTN,

since there only left a bit money,

I think to keep it for use on the time I start working.

Haih..

Many problem come together,

assignment + presentation + money,

my head really gonna boom,

who can lend me a hand?

by shin,

11/4/2011 12.54pm