无助

不是所有事情都能如愿以偿，

不是所有问题都能迎刃而解...

很多时候越是逃避问题，

越是不能把问题解决...

我承认我自私，我懦弱，

我害怕去面对这一切，

我承担不起后果...

可是却因为我的自私，我的懦弱，

造成今日的果...

为什么要这样的考验我？

我真的很累...

可是就算再累，

我还是得担起这一切的因和果...

如果人生真的必须经过这样的考验，

我情愿没有来到这世上...

控制不到事情的发生，

心里真的很不好受...

没有人可以诉苦，

没有可以给予帮助...

更可悲的是，

我什么都做不了，

只能眼睁睁的看着事情的发生...

有人说，上帝在关上你的一扇门时，

会同时为你打开另一扇门，

那现在，我的那另一扇门到底在哪里？

为什么我怎样也找不到那另一扇门？

有没有人现在能赐给我一个愿望？

有没有人可以帮我解决这一切？

有没有人可以告诉我，

这一切都只是一个梦？

很想对你说声：对不起！

因为我的自私，害你得承担这一切...

我真的很努力想要把这件事解决，

我想了很多方法，

可是都不被接受...

或许哪天你会怪我，

或许你会讨厌我，

可是不管你有什么问题需要帮忙，

我一定会第一个站出来。

我知道我再说什么已经没用，

我只希望你不要怪我...

对不起！

by ker shin,

23/8/2011 10.57pm

原来，我不想长大,,,

这几天，心情糟透了，

我根本没办法打从心里开心过，

可是，我还是得收拾心情，

因为我不想因为我的情绪而影响别人。

每天，我都告诉自己，

要记得微笑，

要记得开心。

可是，这样子做，

好像更加难受，

脑海里一直反反复复想着同样的事情，

我根本没办法洒脱。

很想逃离这一切，

可是我没办法豁免。

突然很怀念小时候的日子，

可以毫无顾忌的大哭大笑，

可以不顾形象的打闹，

可以不用害怕伤害任何人，

自己想怎样，就怎样。

小时候，

总是渴望长大，

可以不受束缚，

自由自在做自己喜欢的东西。

现在长大了，

却想当个小孩，

不用去面对烦恼，

不用去承担后果。

可是，时间并没有允许我这样做，

我还是得长大。

有时候，

微笑就想创可贴，

就算掩住了伤口，

心依然疼痛。

很想告诉你们，

我并不是想要伤害你们，

我承认我的语气重了点，

我知道我是有错。

我并不是不想说对不起，

只是我真的不懂怎样开口。

我并不是一个擅长表达感情的人，

可是这一点并没有人懂。

我知道我不是个好孩子，

可是我很努力的当个好孩子，

很努力去完成你们希望我做的每一件事。

只是这一次，

我想跟着我的想法，

就这一次而已。

对不起！

by shin,

18/7/2011 9.58pm

The day after graduate and the day before working

Have a long time did not come blogging...

Well, I am officially graduate from UUM,

now just only wait for the convocation.

Take a rest about 1 month,
then I started to find job.

Really need started to earn money,

I really not dare to ask money from my parent,

even I know they will give me if I request.

But, I am officially an adult already,

I am able to earn money for myself,

so better prepare my mood for working start from now.

 But everything are not happen as how was I think..

I had already applied many kind of job,

even have some company had calling me for an interview,

but all are not my desire job.

I hope to get a job from bank,

I know my english is poor, 

my speaking also very bad,

but I had try my best in the interview.

I still failed to get an offer from bank.

"Citibank", I will always remember,

giving me  a big hope,

but told me I was unsuccessful in finally.

But the god are take care of me too,

luckily I had found another job between this few days.

Although not a bank job,

although I am fresh on this sector,

but I will try my best and do my best.

I will start to working on next monday,

a bit excited and a bit nervous.

I hope everything can go smoothly,

even there are many challenge waiting me in the future,

but I will do my best and fighting it.

by shin,

8/7/2011 4.13pm

Happy 23th birthday

It' s already 11.12pm,

still left around 45 minutes,

then my birthday will end for this year.

Well, I'm officially 23 years old,

a lots of friends were send me a birthday wish,

feel thankful for them.

This is the first time I pass my birthday in campus,

last 2 years I was already at home when my birthday.

And this year,

nothings special, didn't celebrate,

because someone still having his final paper tomorrow.

Ok, I not want to blame what,

don't think too much!

Huh~

I still having my final exam,

still left one paper on 24th,

hope that day come faster,

I can't wait for graduate already.

All my friends were already finish their exam,

I'm so jealous them,

so hope to be one of them,

but I never have this luck,

since start from semester 1 until semester 6,

I always is the latest finish final.

Damn hate~

And, this is the last semester for me,

means that, I no need come back here for new semester open this September.

Yes, I am graduate!

My study life will ended up at here!

That day after the personal finance exam,

suddenly having some weird feeling,

It is the first time I feel that I really no need to study anymore,

and I still not yet decide where & how I have to go in the future.

I was spent for 3 years at here, UUM,

from the first day I feel alone, lost & scare,

until now i was already fit into the environment here,

no matter feel happy or sad,

no matter feel angry or stress,

I have built my memories at here for 3 years.

But, I never feel not willing to leave here,

just I will keep the memories at here forever,

because it is a part journey of my life.

I will start my new journey soon,

shift into working life,

on the mid of June, maybe.

Wishing myself all the best in my new journey,

and same to my friend too.

Now already 11.50pm,

another 10 minutes to go,

my birthday will going to end.

And someone is trying to know what I am writing about,

hahaXD~

Wishing myself once again,

Happy birthday to myself~~<3

by shin,

17/5/2011 11.52pm

something wrong with me

I am very boring now,

nothing can do,

or I can say,

I don't know what can I do now.

I don't want to watch movie,

since I was finish watched all the movie own by me.

I don't think to do my resume,

I am really lazy now.

But, I really feel bored.

Arghhhhhhh....

What should I do..?

Don't know what's going on me,

I really hope my dear can accompany by my side now.

I don't wish to be alone at room,

is that I feel lonely?

I don't know,

but I really don't think to stay myself alone,

I hope there are my family, my friends,

or even is my dear beside me now.

But, I not dare to tell anyone,

I don't want to  disturb anyone...

I feel so bad now,

but actually nothing happen on me.

I don't know how to make myself happy,

I can't find back the mood before,

I feel so stress?!

or sad?!

or even upset?!

I don't know what feeling at me now,

I don't know how to describe,

but conclusion is,

I really feel badly right now...

by shin,

23/4/2011 11.23pm

I'm not a super hero...I'm not perfect...

Life is getting more tough,

and I am getting more stress.

Many things happen on the same time,

many things I have to face and solve it,

I have no choice to escape from those stuff.

Another 3 weeks, I am officially 23 years old,

a lots of responsible I have to pick up,

I have to responsible on every action or decision I made.

Now only I realize, I not a kid anymore,

I have to face those problem myself,

I have to find a best solution to solve every problem,

I have no choice to escape,

because all these are my responsible...

Life is not easy...

I know every single problem have its solution,

I know I have to try my best,

I know I need think in 2 different side for each problem,

I know many many...

But who can do the best when facing those problem?

Who can come out & take the problem as his/her own responsible?

Who can using high EQ to solve family problem?

Now only I realize,

I not a super hero,

I can't do anything that I hope it to be,

I can't satisfy both side that I care,

I am not perfect...

by shin,

21/4/2011 10.56pm

I feel tired

Tears is out of my control this few day,

I don't know what happen on me,

feel stress and unhappy.

I keep told myself nothing is happen,

no need feeling sad,

but I still can't control myself.

What was happen on me?

I think to be a happy people,

just like before,

even sometimes feel angry or sad,

but the most time I am happy.

Why i can't find the feeling back this few days?

Yesterday get a call from my mommy,

a lots of things was happen on them.

My uncle and aunt want to separate from the company,

and that stupid Miss Too was resign yesterday too.

My parent hope i can work with them after I graduate,

I not really think to work with them,

but they are my parent,

What can I do?

I not dare to tell them I don't want,

I not allow myself not helping them,

I really don't know what should I do at this moment.

I had study so many years already,

the world outside I haven have a meet,

then now, they call me work with them,

I really tidak puas hati.

My heart really feel suffer,

the one side is my parent,

the another side is the world I desire to meet,

I now stand in the middle,

I don't know which side should I go,

I really feel suffer to face all of these.

Who can teach me how i need to do only satisfied both side?

Who can give me an idea?

I really feel stress on my life,

stress to face those assignment and presentation,

stress to face the world after I graduate on may,

stress to face my parent because they hope i can work with them.

I don't know what can or what should I do already..

I really feel very tired on all of these matters,

please don't come and force me again..

Please...

by shin,

12/4/2011 10.27am